It's Time

Almost twelve years ago, you changed my world forever. For the better, forever.

A chance encounter at a Christmas party in Wakefield,

I went to volunteer, to show that somehow in the crazy midst of being a parent to toddlers, I could still carve out space to do my bit in making the world a little kinder by volunteering at a centre for people who had newly arrived into the UK to escape persecution.

You were there with your young son, chasing him as his boundless energy and excitement sent him in circles around the tinsel-filled hall.

That encounter took us on an eight year journey together. We laughed, we cried, we talked, we shared, we cooked, we ate, we baked and we imagined a better world together,

One day, two years in, sitting in my kitchen drinking coffee together we had an idea. Thus began the story of ToastLoveCoffee; the social enterprise community cafe that served the people of Leeds, of Harehills specifically, as a space for food, drink and friendship forming.

So many stories from that time together. So many memories and magical moments.

We had parties, deep conversations, English language classes, performance poetry, Christmas fairs, volunteer nights out... I've been re-reading some of the stories from our cafe and friendship Here's one you wrote in 2017 I didn't realise until today the blog was still out there in the ether - our podcast too! (https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/coffee-cup-conversations/id1481551746) I thought I remembered a lot, but listening and re-reading there is so much more than I remember! It really was magical and so special. I hope you're proud of everything we achieved too.

And then in early 2020, COVID hit, and we closed the doors of the cafe for the last time.

And not long after, I think it was November, whilst we were still in the throes of those crazy COVID days, finally, after eight years of uncertainty, eight years of vulnerability, of fighting you and your son's corner, finally the permission to stay in the UK was granted.

I remember the video call so vividly. There were tears. Many tears. I didn't know it at the time, but they were farewell tears too, because after that, you vanished...

I tried to find you, I reached out on WhatsApp, I asked around. I was told that it was common for people in your situation to want a fresh start, to move cities perhaps, and begin a new chapter without the shadows of that label that accompanied you for so many years, and of course the trauma you escaped from that disrupted your life so viciously.

Almost four years have passed since that last video call, since we last spoke and were in touch at all. I have missed you, our friendship, our chats. I have imagined you both, walking confidently wherever you are - or maybe you have a car now? - not having to look over your shoulder any more, following your dreams and your passions and your hopes for the future. Perhaps you are already in your future - perhaps you have qualified in something and are now a professional. You always inspired me with your determination, courage and intelligence.

I hope that four years is enough time for you to have healed, or healed enough to feel able to make contact with someone who I know reminds you of such a difficult chapter of your life, despite our friendship and adventures together.

You need to know I have not forgotten you, I hope I made the right decision when I stopped looking for you and respected that you wanted to move on.

And today I am breaking that and I am reaching out to you the only way I know how, here in my blog. I want to wish you a very happy birthday, to say I still love you, I still care for you and your son (who must now be almost 15 - wow), that I am always where I have been and you can find me and when you do we will have the biggest hug and the most tears and the longest catch up.

Perhaps you feel it now too? Perhaps it's time...